We all know it. Someone gets under your skin and you start to really hate them. You ruminate about that person, at night, on the weekend, on holiday. You might even develop such a strong aversion to them that you get a physical reaction when they are in the same room with you.
Obviously this is all very unpleasant, and can seriously jeopardize your well-being and your work.
If they’re behaviour is transgressive, if they are bullying, it is clearly a matter of HR. But very often it is not that clear. How would we work with that in our coaching sessions?
When someone affects us so negatively, we usually get completely stuck in our resentment. First, let’s take the time to talk about that. What did this person do to you? Why is this person so horrible, and why are you so upset? Does talking about it in this way, make you feel a little better?
Hate is very unpleasant and even damaging, mainly to yourself. When we are in this state of mind, for some reason we are usually very reluctant to let go of the anger. There are many ways to do that: you must ask ourselves some questions, and beware, the answers might be quite painful, and can even make you feel embarrassed, so let’s be brave.
Might I have misread or misunderstood some of the things the other person has said or done?
What does the situation look like from the other person’s perspective?
What might I have done to make the relationship worse?
How might I have provoked the behaviour of the other person?
If you have been honest, but really, you will start looking differently at the situation. You might never be friends with your colleague or your manager, but chances are your anger will decrease. Now you will have also room to think about how to work together better on a practical level. What a relief!
Letting go of your anger is a difficult and painful process. Coaching is the perfect place to work on that, so why not have a look at my homepage and book a free coaching consultation.